One Issue Voter
***
I'm a one issue voter. I've had a strong interest in all politics, local and national, small and big since I was quite young. I later realized that all this complexity was too much for me. so I decided to pick an issue and stick with it, reducing the pressure on my valuable brain cells.
This year, my issue is cloning. One has to admit, it's the most interesting issue of the year. I'm tired of the abortion debate. I don't like to look at the pictures of aborted fetuses nor non-aborted poor homeless kids. I'm tired of the medicare/medicaid debate. I get sad looking at pictures of one hundred fifty year old grandmothers hooked up to machinery that looks like the insides of the space shuttle. Saddam Hussein, Boris Yeltsin, Yasser Arafat and the Indonesian President, whatever his name is, are all ugly. This leaves me Dolly, the ultimate cuddly, peaceful, quiet sheep. At least you can count her clones as you fall asleep.
I used to be a fan of Bill Clinton. I was the president of a Debate Society in 1992, and I spent months debating how a new and improved Democrat would set things right in America. I preferred Bill Clinton over George Bush at the time, primarily because Clinton was having fun. Bush was too stressed. I certainly didn't want a stressed out, tired man in charge of the world's biggest nuclear arsenal. After all, so many women couldn't be all wrong - they must've found something good in Mr.Clinton to sleep with him.
I must say, six years into my decision to back Mr.Clinton, I'm totally disillusioned now. It was all over once he came out against cloning. How could he? The man really, really loves himself. He can't get enought TV coverage. Being so much in love with himself, I'm sure, deep down, he's pro-cloning. I am sure President Clinton genuinely wants to clone himself. Given that he has no more elections ahead of him, he could have openly backed cloning. In all honesty, I think that would be the way for him to be remembered as a great president. What are people going to say 100 years from now? Is anybody going to remember the balanced budget? Twenty-odd presidents balanced the budget all through the 19.Century and nobody but game show geeks can remember their names now. But if you clone yourself, you're guaranteed to go down as a memorable president in history. Despite all the obvious upside, Mr.Clinton condemned cloning. As if this wasn't enough, he called for a global ban. If this is not hypocrisy, I don’t know what is!
Enough Clinton-bashing, though. After all there are enough people with nothing else to do in their lives bashing him day and night, plus there is Kenneth Starr with 40 million dollars out of the public purse behind him. At this point, along with a few hundred million American people, I'm really fed up with people overly curious about Mr.Clinton's sex life.
Next year, when I have put the cloning issue behind me, my new single issue will be presidential lifestyle. Think for a moment about the development of freedoms and quality of life over the years. Nations of the world abolished slavery. Nations of the world abolished serfdom. Nations of the world waged war against discrimation against women. The right to leisure was discovered, respected and secured. The common man (and the woman, even more so) has seen his/her rights expand like the universe right after the big-bang. there is only one group of losers in this process. Heads of State. As common people won their rights from government and society, or those who claim to represent it, the Heads of State, have become slaves to their nations.
America has been a superpower for only a hundred years. This is a short span of time by historical standards. Long before America was Sumerians, Hittites, Egypt, Greece, Rome, Persia, Byzantines, Arabs, Turks, Chinese, Mongols. What is one important issue that sets apart the United States from earlier superpowers? The harem of the Head of State. Yes, from Alexander the Great to Suleiman the Magnificient, from Darius to Kublai Khan, all the rulers of former superpowers enjoyed harems of tens, hundreds, thousands, and sometimes even tens of thousands of women. In contrast. look at the current U.S. Presidency. Poor George Bush. Poor Bill Clinton. No wonder their hair goes white in a couple of years. All the responsibility of leading the world - and no harem to relieve the stress. Just $200,000 per year. Not to mention a press that continuously harasses them. Need I say anything more to prove the massive loss of freedom?
Were you worried about the American democracy after 1976, 1984, 1988 or 1992 when no one appeared willing to put up a contest worth watching? If not, let me remind you again that these men are in charge of the nuclear arsenal of the number one superpower. The President goes over board and woosh - the world as we know it goes into history books (obviously not of humans, but of an intelligent species of cockroaches who discovers writing a million years after the nuclear holocaust).
To cut a long story short, I have three points to make:
1. Being a one issue voter greatly simplifies your part in the political process and allows you to save valuable time for golf, gardening, photography, baseball or whatever your favorite passtime is,
2. Cloning is good,
3. We need a 'Presidential Freedoms Act' to strengthen the Presidency.
Having come to the end of this article, you can’t deny now that I have written the most insightful political piece after the Dialogues of Plato, The Prince and the U.S. constitution. You do? I’ll send your clone over to set you right…
***
I'm a one issue voter. I've had a strong interest in all politics, local and national, small and big since I was quite young. I later realized that all this complexity was too much for me. so I decided to pick an issue and stick with it, reducing the pressure on my valuable brain cells.
This year, my issue is cloning. One has to admit, it's the most interesting issue of the year. I'm tired of the abortion debate. I don't like to look at the pictures of aborted fetuses nor non-aborted poor homeless kids. I'm tired of the medicare/medicaid debate. I get sad looking at pictures of one hundred fifty year old grandmothers hooked up to machinery that looks like the insides of the space shuttle. Saddam Hussein, Boris Yeltsin, Yasser Arafat and the Indonesian President, whatever his name is, are all ugly. This leaves me Dolly, the ultimate cuddly, peaceful, quiet sheep. At least you can count her clones as you fall asleep.
I used to be a fan of Bill Clinton. I was the president of a Debate Society in 1992, and I spent months debating how a new and improved Democrat would set things right in America. I preferred Bill Clinton over George Bush at the time, primarily because Clinton was having fun. Bush was too stressed. I certainly didn't want a stressed out, tired man in charge of the world's biggest nuclear arsenal. After all, so many women couldn't be all wrong - they must've found something good in Mr.Clinton to sleep with him.
I must say, six years into my decision to back Mr.Clinton, I'm totally disillusioned now. It was all over once he came out against cloning. How could he? The man really, really loves himself. He can't get enought TV coverage. Being so much in love with himself, I'm sure, deep down, he's pro-cloning. I am sure President Clinton genuinely wants to clone himself. Given that he has no more elections ahead of him, he could have openly backed cloning. In all honesty, I think that would be the way for him to be remembered as a great president. What are people going to say 100 years from now? Is anybody going to remember the balanced budget? Twenty-odd presidents balanced the budget all through the 19.Century and nobody but game show geeks can remember their names now. But if you clone yourself, you're guaranteed to go down as a memorable president in history. Despite all the obvious upside, Mr.Clinton condemned cloning. As if this wasn't enough, he called for a global ban. If this is not hypocrisy, I don’t know what is!
Enough Clinton-bashing, though. After all there are enough people with nothing else to do in their lives bashing him day and night, plus there is Kenneth Starr with 40 million dollars out of the public purse behind him. At this point, along with a few hundred million American people, I'm really fed up with people overly curious about Mr.Clinton's sex life.
Next year, when I have put the cloning issue behind me, my new single issue will be presidential lifestyle. Think for a moment about the development of freedoms and quality of life over the years. Nations of the world abolished slavery. Nations of the world abolished serfdom. Nations of the world waged war against discrimation against women. The right to leisure was discovered, respected and secured. The common man (and the woman, even more so) has seen his/her rights expand like the universe right after the big-bang. there is only one group of losers in this process. Heads of State. As common people won their rights from government and society, or those who claim to represent it, the Heads of State, have become slaves to their nations.
America has been a superpower for only a hundred years. This is a short span of time by historical standards. Long before America was Sumerians, Hittites, Egypt, Greece, Rome, Persia, Byzantines, Arabs, Turks, Chinese, Mongols. What is one important issue that sets apart the United States from earlier superpowers? The harem of the Head of State. Yes, from Alexander the Great to Suleiman the Magnificient, from Darius to Kublai Khan, all the rulers of former superpowers enjoyed harems of tens, hundreds, thousands, and sometimes even tens of thousands of women. In contrast. look at the current U.S. Presidency. Poor George Bush. Poor Bill Clinton. No wonder their hair goes white in a couple of years. All the responsibility of leading the world - and no harem to relieve the stress. Just $200,000 per year. Not to mention a press that continuously harasses them. Need I say anything more to prove the massive loss of freedom?
Were you worried about the American democracy after 1976, 1984, 1988 or 1992 when no one appeared willing to put up a contest worth watching? If not, let me remind you again that these men are in charge of the nuclear arsenal of the number one superpower. The President goes over board and woosh - the world as we know it goes into history books (obviously not of humans, but of an intelligent species of cockroaches who discovers writing a million years after the nuclear holocaust).
To cut a long story short, I have three points to make:
1. Being a one issue voter greatly simplifies your part in the political process and allows you to save valuable time for golf, gardening, photography, baseball or whatever your favorite passtime is,
2. Cloning is good,
3. We need a 'Presidential Freedoms Act' to strengthen the Presidency.
Having come to the end of this article, you can’t deny now that I have written the most insightful political piece after the Dialogues of Plato, The Prince and the U.S. constitution. You do? I’ll send your clone over to set you right…
posted by Ümit Kumcuoğlu at 11:01 PM
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